Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
