Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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