Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
