She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
