I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
