I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize