Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
