I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Randomize
