He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
