this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
