Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
