Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
