Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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