I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
