youre lurking in front of me
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
