You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
