I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I need a beard to bite.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
