After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I had to cum in my sink.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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