cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
