guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We have started to decorate penises.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize