Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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