I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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