Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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