when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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