I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
