the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
