Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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