i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
