I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
