i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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