i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
