Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
