Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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