Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
