Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
