My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize