I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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