I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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