You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
