holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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