I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
