We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Alive.
So much puke
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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