John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Randomize
