Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
