he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
