Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Come share oat with me in your robe
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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