I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize