I CAN MOONWALK!
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Boobs are out for the taking
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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