hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
