I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
