are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
