I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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