BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
