Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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