Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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