I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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