I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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