So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
im holly from the hills drunk
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
