Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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