Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
