if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
