Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
