K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
