Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
