Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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