Michael Bay diarrhea
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
