that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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