Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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