it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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