I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
