I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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