How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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