It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
