trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
