Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
