No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize