It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I need to align my fucking chakras
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