I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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