im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize