just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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