If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize