We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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