The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize