I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
only if we run a train.
done.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
