so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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