He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
