Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
