I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
