Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize